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48% of Americans Don’t Know What LGBT Stands For

14% of Americans Think It’s a Sandwich!

NEW YORK (The Lapine) — On the heels of President Barack Obama’s statement supporting LGBT equal rights, a national Gallup phone survey released today shows that nearly half of Americans can only guess what the letters stand for.

“A lot of people said that LGBT has something or other to do with sex that isn’t your Mom and Pop variety,” pollster David Bell told the NY Times.

“But they couldn’t say what the letters stood for…a lot guessed that the GB letters stand for Gang Banging.”

“And slightly more than 14% were guessing that it’s some fancy BLT sandwich and the G stands for Gravy.”

“There is confusion about what the heck LGBT is…mind you 8% of men didn’t know what heterosexual means and quite a few said, “Look dude. I’m totally into women, okay?”

The LGBT acronym, which stands for Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender, was successfully put into words by 52% of poll participants with 23% saying they “fully or somewhat” support equal rights for LGBT individuals, and 21% saying they would “definitely or most likely” rent their basement suite out to someone who looked like they might be LGBT.

“Younger people showed a much higher awareness of what LGBT means. People in the 60 plus age bracket were more likely to answer “Don’t Know” or “Other” and respond with comments such as “As long as no one gets hurt,” said Bell.

The poll also showed dramatic awareness differences between urban and rural participants, between church goers and non-church goers, and between Republican and Democrat supporters.

79% of regular or frequent Fox News viewers were unable to explain what LGBT stands for with 72% saying they had never heard or seen the acronym before. 10% of this group guessed it’s a terrorist group and 8% said it likely means something similar to the internet’s LOL.

“There’s no doubt that Americans are becoming more aware that there are lesbian, gay, bisexual, and gay people out there,” said Bell.

“But they often can’t quite put their finger on what each word in LGBT means.”

“And a lot think they could spot one in a Starbucks lineup.”

The survey is considered accurate 21 times out of 20.

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Stomped Tomato is a curious satirical newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news. Tomate pisoteado.


Joe Biden Replaces Trump’s Infamous Diet Coke Button With A Freestyle Machine

STOMPED TOMATO – Of the many of President Joe Biden’s points of business on his first day was to Diet Coke button with a Freestyle machine.

Now former President Donald Trump became fascinated with the little red button sitting on his desk in the oval office. Whenever Trump pressed it, and a valet swiftly brought in a Diet Coke on a silver platter.

“Freestyle machines are genius. One of the very greatest inventions of our modern times,” Suzie on Twitter.

While many applauded Biden’s decision, some, however, feel the freestyle machines are terrible and the president should get a fountain machine.

It is not clear what happened to the box with the red button. But what of the valet?

Sources told ST that the valet is undergoing training to make the machine is always fully stocked with soda.


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Daughter finds out her uncle is her dad’s brother

STOMPED TOMATO – A growing trend in the online world are stories of family dynamics changing drastically with uncovered family relationships, such as the daughter who found that her uncle is really her father’s brother.

What will this do to the family dynamic? Reddit

Another commented that he was in a similar situation, but different, not too long along when he found that his aunt is really his mother’s sister.

“The entire family freaked out,” writes M.

Fortunately, there are a few things that could be done to preserve your family’s chemistry and dynamic.

Family dynamics can really be screwed. Take the case of a B and his wife’s family situation. B writes, “Her mom and aunt both married brothers. So my wife’s uncle (now deceased) was actually her uncle twice over. He was her uncle because her mom’s sister married him, and he was her uncle because her dad was his brother. For that matter, her aunt is also her aunt twice over.”

R writes, “I know exactly how the feeling. I just found out that my brother is my baby’s uncle, and my brother’s children are my child’s cousins. Obviously, this is a confusing time for everyone and we are navigating it as best as we can.”

A has an equally challenging situation, she writes: I just found out that my mom is actually the one who gave birth to me, and that my grandmother is actually my mom’s mom and I’m so confused and worried like what this will do I don’t know if I can see them in the same way now…”

This is very serious. This kind of experience can cause long lasting trauma.

One recommendation is to log off the internet, obviously, these people have way too much time on their hands. For those who can’t log off, you can help improve your family dynamic by going on Amazon and order lots of self-help books.

Luckily there are many treatments for this ailment being experimented with.

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WHO congratulates Donald Trump for having carried out a coup without leaving home

While a lot of countries and international organizations condemned Wednesday’s riots in the United States Capitol, the Wordly Health Organization congratulated President Donald Trump for acting responsibly in the midst of a historic pandemic, for staging a coup from home.

Given the warnings of health authorities not to go out, Mr Trump decided maintain social distancing and stay at home to try to overturn the 2020 presidential elections.

“We are pleasantly surprised at  responsibility that Donald Trump took need to the stay at home measures by the WHO during the events on Capitol Hill on January 7, 2021,” said the organization in a statement.

In a statement of his own, Donald Trump said that he preferred to stay at home, “where I can see them from the comfort of my home, than to do it out there with who knows who”.

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