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ABC’s “The Bachelor” Becomes a Mormon — Polygamy Involved

Bachelo-Chris-Soules-Rose-SizedSALT LAKE CITY, UT — After starring on ABC’s ‘The Bachelor’, Chris Soules has been spending a lot of time at the Salt Lake Temple of the Latter-day Saints Church it was reported today.

And he’s not alone…six other former star bachelors have been spotted in and around the temple.

A since-deleted twitpic by @MormonRebel69 revealed the reality star had begun attending worship services at the temple as recently as two weeks ago. In the picture, past Bachelors Jesse Palmer, Sean Lowe and Andrew Firestone are all identifiable.

Locals have started noticing.

“I saw a gang of Bachelors for the first time a couple weeks ago. They stay together at church and casually walk around tapping young ladies on the shoulder, almost as if they’re propositioning them for something,” said one anonymous churchgoer.

Another claimed “they surreptitiously sneak away” to meetings after church with Paul Edward Gammee.

Gammee is a known polygamist who splits his time between Utah and Mexico where there are no laws against polygamy.

When asked for a comment on the sudden change to Mormonism, Soules answered, “This is a genuine, faith-based change. Everything I do is sincere and earnest, whether it’s looking for love on the most watched reality TV show or pursuing a new faith.”

“And it certainly has nothing to do with the Latter-day Saints’ soft rules on polygamy. I, along with the other Bachelor participants, am not here for the polygamy. I want to be clear on that. No polygamy. Wait, did you ask me about polygamy?”

The day after his comments, Soules and the Bachelors flew to Chihuahua, Mexico with Gammee, where they have just purchased a 22,000 sq. ft. compound.



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Stomped Tomato is a curious satirical newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news. Tomate pisoteado.


Joe Biden Replaces Trump’s Infamous Diet Coke Button With A Freestyle Machine

STOMPED TOMATO – Of the many of President Joe Biden’s points of business on his first day was to Diet Coke button with a Freestyle machine.

Now former President Donald Trump became fascinated with the little red button sitting on his desk in the oval office. Whenever Trump pressed it, and a valet swiftly brought in a Diet Coke on a silver platter.

“Freestyle machines are genius. One of the very greatest inventions of our modern times,” Suzie on Twitter.

While many applauded Biden’s decision, some, however, feel the freestyle machines are terrible and the president should get a fountain machine.

It is not clear what happened to the box with the red button. But what of the valet?

Sources told ST that the valet is undergoing training to make the machine is always fully stocked with soda.


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Daughter finds out her uncle is her dad’s brother

STOMPED TOMATO – A growing trend in the online world are stories of family dynamics changing drastically with uncovered family relationships, such as the daughter who found that her uncle is really her father’s brother.

What will this do to the family dynamic? Reddit

Another commented that he was in a similar situation, but different, not too long along when he found that his aunt is really his mother’s sister.

“The entire family freaked out,” writes M.

Fortunately, there are a few things that could be done to preserve your family’s chemistry and dynamic.

Family dynamics can really be screwed. Take the case of a B and his wife’s family situation. B writes, “Her mom and aunt both married brothers. So my wife’s uncle (now deceased) was actually her uncle twice over. He was her uncle because her mom’s sister married him, and he was her uncle because her dad was his brother. For that matter, her aunt is also her aunt twice over.”

R writes, “I know exactly how the feeling. I just found out that my brother is my baby’s uncle, and my brother’s children are my child’s cousins. Obviously, this is a confusing time for everyone and we are navigating it as best as we can.”

A has an equally challenging situation, she writes: I just found out that my mom is actually the one who gave birth to me, and that my grandmother is actually my mom’s mom and I’m so confused and worried like what this will do I don’t know if I can see them in the same way now…”

This is very serious. This kind of experience can cause long lasting trauma.

One recommendation is to log off the internet, obviously, these people have way too much time on their hands. For those who can’t log off, you can help improve your family dynamic by going on Amazon and order lots of self-help books.

Luckily there are many treatments for this ailment being experimented with.

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WHO congratulates Donald Trump for having carried out a coup without leaving home

While a lot of countries and international organizations condemned Wednesday’s riots in the United States Capitol, the Wordly Health Organization congratulated President Donald Trump for acting responsibly in the midst of a historic pandemic, for staging a coup from home.

Given the warnings of health authorities not to go out, Mr Trump decided maintain social distancing and stay at home to try to overturn the 2020 presidential elections.

“We are pleasantly surprised at  responsibility that Donald Trump took need to the stay at home measures by the WHO during the events on Capitol Hill on January 7, 2021,” said the organization in a statement.

In a statement of his own, Donald Trump said that he preferred to stay at home, “where I can see them from the comfort of my home, than to do it out there with who knows who”.

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