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Broadcast Signal Accidentally Picks Up Two Old Men Yelling

U.S.—Many were looking forward to the presidential debate tonight, hoping to thoughtfully consider each candidate’s position so they could make a wise, informed decision about who to vote for in this year’s election.

But it looks like that won’t be happening, as debate organizers accidentally picked up a signal from some kind of nursing home where two angry old men were just shouting at each other for 90 minutes.

“The signal must have gotten crossed with some kind of live stream of an old folks’ home,” said one technician. “They were shouting about money and politics and viruses and all kinds of stuff. I know you were all really interested in hearing the candidates tonight. Sorry about that.”

U.S.—Many were looking forward to the presidential debate tonight, hoping to thoughtfully consider each candidate’s position so they could make a wise, informed decision about who to vote for in this year’s election.

But it looks like that won’t be happening, as debate organizers accidentally picked up a signal from some kind of nursing home where two angry old men were just shouting at each other for 90 minutes.

“The signal must have gotten crossed with some kind of live stream of an old folks’ home,” said one technician. “They were shouting about money and politics and viruses and all kinds of stuff. I know you were all really interested in hearing the candidates tonight. Sorry about that.”

https://babylonbee.com/news/broadcast-signal-accidentally-picks-up-two-old-men-yelling-at-each-other-instead-of-presidential-debate

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Stomped Tomato is a curious satirical newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news. Tomate pisoteado.

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Politics

Joe Biden Replaces Trump’s Infamous Diet Coke Button With A Freestyle Machine

STOMPED TOMATO – Of the many of President Joe Biden’s points of business on his first day was to Diet Coke button with a Freestyle machine.

Now former President Donald Trump became fascinated with the little red button sitting on his desk in the oval office. Whenever Trump pressed it, and a valet swiftly brought in a Diet Coke on a silver platter.

“Freestyle machines are genius. One of the very greatest inventions of our modern times,” Suzie on Twitter.

While many applauded Biden’s decision, some, however, feel the freestyle machines are terrible and the president should get a fountain machine.

It is not clear what happened to the box with the red button. But what of the valet?

Sources told ST that the valet is undergoing training to make the machine is always fully stocked with soda.

 

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Politics

WHO congratulates Donald Trump for having carried out a coup without leaving home

While a lot of countries and international organizations condemned Wednesday’s riots in the United States Capitol, the Wordly Health Organization congratulated President Donald Trump for acting responsibly in the midst of a historic pandemic, for staging a coup from home.

Given the warnings of health authorities not to go out, Mr Trump decided maintain social distancing and stay at home to try to overturn the 2020 presidential elections.

“We are pleasantly surprised at  responsibility that Donald Trump took need to the stay at home measures by the WHO during the events on Capitol Hill on January 7, 2021,” said the organization in a statement.

In a statement of his own, Donald Trump said that he preferred to stay at home, “where I can see them from the comfort of my home, than to do it out there with who knows who”.

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Biden supporter admits to being behind massive voter fraud

The investigation into the 2020 US Elections voter fraud took at turn on Monday when a Biden supporter admitted to being behind the whole thing.

Although his name was not released publicly, for his personal security, authorities explained how the fraud was committed in various states across the United States of America.

“Trump has a good case for not accepting his loss because there actually was massive election fraud. I know this because: It was me!,” read the statement to the press.

The fruadster explained that he went to Ballots-R-Us website and ordered thousands of mail-in ballots that are indistinguishable from the officially registered ballots. “I clicked the checkbox option that adds authentic verified signatures of people who had recently died (it costs extra but well worth the labor),” he said.

“After printing all those ballots and filling the ‘Biden’ box on each one, I snuck into the election center in Pennsylvania with my bag load of Biden ballots, and added them to the pile of ballots marked “not counted yet.

“Just like Trump warned, I did this at four o’clock in the morning because it’s really dark then and the security guards were sleepy. Nobody was the wiser,” continued the explanation.

Fraudster says he had help from pals in Nevada, Arizona, and Georgia, but luckily it wasn’t needed, the North Carolina pal didn’t print enought ballots.

Fraudster added that he now feels much better “now that I’ve come clean”.

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