VATICAN ENQUIRER – OTTAWA, Foreign Affairs Minister Rob Nicholson announced today that he is stepping in immediately to replace HitchBot, the polite little robot that was kicked to pieces in Philadelphia while on a goodwill hitch-hike to San Francisco.
“This is a unique diplomatic opportunity for Canada to smooth ruffled feathers with the U.S.,” Nicholson told the Ottawa Citizen while imitating HitchBot’s female robotic voice.
“Sure, some people think this is just a silly political gimmick but I’ll get to talk to real Americans about important things like the Keystone Pipeline, terrorists, immigration, Muslims…things our citizens agree on.”
Nicolson (63) said his goal is to fill in for the crushed and decapitated HitchBot until HitchBot 2.0 is ready for redeployment.
Prime Minister Harper’s office confirmed Nicholson will be leaving for Pennsylvania tomorrow where he hopes to share the Harper Government’s plans for the global economy with as many Americans as possible.
Nicholson is also taking thousands of small Canadian flags to wave around while keeping alive this “important made-in-Canada” social experiment that has become a social media sensation around the world.
“I think once the message gets out to Americans that Canada takes its relationship with the U.S. seriously, the new HitchBot 2.0 will have a better chance of survival on its journey through the United States and make it home to Canadian researchers in one piece,” Nicholson said while trying on a new pair of bright yellow rubber gloves.
When asked if this would have any bearing on his ability to campaign for the upcoming election on October 19th, Nicholson said “I’m confident I will be riding our campaign buses and announcing funding for exciting new Harper Government programs by Labour Day.”
“I have faith that our Canadian scientists will be able to repair HitchBot quickly…without talking to the media about it of course.”