(VATICAN ENQUIRER) You can now get a Smirnoff Milkshake or Jim Beam Bourbon Blizzard at your local Dairy Queen as the ice cream and fast-food chain moved today to counter Taco Bell’s announcement that they will begin serving beer with their burritos.
“Alcohol and ice cream! Why hasn’t anyone thought of this before?” said investment guru and DQ owner Warren Buffet in making the announcement while wearing a hair net to serve samples to reporters.
“I mean, yeah, who hasn’t slunk down in a Dairy Queen booth and brown-bagged vodka into a strawberry shake now and again?”
“But as a business idea? I love it! Now you can walk right up to our counter on a sweaty summer day and order a treat that’ll put a grin on your face before you have to get back on your bike for the ride home…pedal responsibly please.”
Buffet said that the more than 6,000 Dairy Queens in the U.S. and Canada began serving vodka-laced milkshakes and blended bourbon blizzards this morning and will be rolling out rum and rye flavors in the coming weeks. Tequila frozen cakes are now available on any phone-in or online advance orders said a slightly slurring Buffet.
“We’ll also be changing our background music to country and adding a daily Happy Hour from 4 to 9 pm,” said Buffet.
Alcoholic ice cream will not be available at Dairy Queen drive-thrus nor in the state of Utah said spokesperson Sheila West.
“Gin Dilly Bars will be available for a limited time during Wimbledon tennis,” she added.
“And we’re taste testing Peanut Buster Parfaits with Scotch but so far…yuck.”