World News

Greece’s Financial Crisis Solved, Chapo Guzman Buys All Of Greece And Pays Off Country’s Debt With the Leftover Cash

Chapo Guzman, Greek TV announcing his most recent purchase and the renaming of Greece to Grecia Guzman. Photo from Eldeforma.com

(VATICAN ENQUIRER) GREECE – El Chapo Guzman gave his first on-air interview after his second escape from a maximum security prison in Mexico, which was held in the studios on Greek TV, the largest television network in that country.

El Chapo announced that from today, Greece will be renamed Grecia Guzman and everything else will remain the same, except that he will the country’s prime minister indefinitely “until the economy is completely stabilized”.

A source close to the Vatican Enquirer reported that one of the first acts as PM Chapo granted himself political asylum.

According to intelligence services of the United States and the European Union, Chapo escaped from his Mexico prison and immediately flew to Greece where his lawyers already had papers for him to sign for his “new property”.

A Greek government spokesperson explained that the sale of Greece to Guzman as the only legal way to avoid the collapse of the county’s economy given that the International Monetary Fund and the European Union did not respond positively to their restructuring plan.

In the deal, with the leftover cash Chapo is paying off all Greece’s debt and has agreed to make major renovations to the Parthenon, which has been grossly neglected over the years, said the spokesperson.

According to Forbes Magazine, Chapo dropped several rungs on the list of the world’s richest, but Greece immediately became a global economic power.

Back in Mexico, the Government denied that it’s Chapo, saying the fugitive is still within their territory and they will be continuing their manhunt to get him back behind bars.

In New York, in an official statement, the United Nations (UN) said, “while it is unfortunate on the one hand, on the other it is good news for Europe and the rest of the world” and that there are no plans to send UN troops to Greece with the intention of capturing Chapo.

Reportering by Leopoldo Pisanello, from Athens for the Vatican Enquirer.

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Politics

Joe Biden Replaces Trump’s Infamous Diet Coke Button With A Freestyle Machine

STOMPED TOMATO – Of the many of President Joe Biden’s points of business on his first day was to Diet Coke button with a Freestyle machine.

Now former President Donald Trump became fascinated with the little red button sitting on his desk in the oval office. Whenever Trump pressed it, and a valet swiftly brought in a Diet Coke on a silver platter.

“Freestyle machines are genius. One of the very greatest inventions of our modern times,” Suzie on Twitter.

While many applauded Biden’s decision, some, however, feel the freestyle machines are terrible and the president should get a fountain machine.

It is not clear what happened to the box with the red button. But what of the valet?

Sources told ST that the valet is undergoing training to make the machine is always fully stocked with soda.

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People

Daughter finds out her uncle is her dad’s brother

STOMPED TOMATO – A growing trend in the online world are stories of family dynamics changing drastically with uncovered family relationships, such as the daughter who found that her uncle is really her father’s brother.

What will this do to the family dynamic? Reddit

Another commented that he was in a similar situation, but different, not too long along when he found that his aunt is really his mother’s sister.

“The entire family freaked out,” writes M.

Fortunately, there are a few things that could be done to preserve your family’s chemistry and dynamic.

Family dynamics can really be screwed. Take the case of a B and his wife’s family situation. B writes, “Her mom and aunt both married brothers. So my wife’s uncle (now deceased) was actually her uncle twice over. He was her uncle because her mom’s sister married him, and he was her uncle because her dad was his brother. For that matter, her aunt is also her aunt twice over.”

R writes, “I know exactly how the feeling. I just found out that my brother is my baby’s uncle, and my brother’s children are my child’s cousins. Obviously, this is a confusing time for everyone and we are navigating it as best as we can.”

A has an equally challenging situation, she writes: I just found out that my mom is actually the one who gave birth to me, and that my grandmother is actually my mom’s mom and I’m so confused and worried like what this will do I don’t know if I can see them in the same way now…”

This is very serious. This kind of experience can cause long lasting trauma.

One recommendation is to log off the internet, obviously, these people have way too much time on their hands. For those who can’t log off, you can help improve your family dynamic by going on Amazon and order lots of self-help books.

Luckily there are many treatments for this ailment being experimented with.

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Politics

WHO congratulates Donald Trump for having carried out a coup without leaving home

While a lot of countries and international organizations condemned Wednesday’s riots in the United States Capitol, the Wordly Health Organization congratulated President Donald Trump for acting responsibly in the midst of a historic pandemic, for staging a coup from home.

Given the warnings of health authorities not to go out, Mr Trump decided maintain social distancing and stay at home to try to overturn the 2020 presidential elections.

“We are pleasantly surprised at responsibility that Donald Trump took need to the stay at home measures by the WHO during the events on Capitol Hill on January 7, 2021,” said the organization in a statement.

In a statement of his own, Donald Trump said that he preferred to stay at home, “where I can see them from the comfort of my home, than to do it out there with who knows who”.