Connect with us

Politics

Groundhog Day Star Bill Murray Announced Run For President in 2016

bill-murray-president-2016-780x520

 

Charleston, SC — From his home in Charleston, South Carolina, legendary actor, comedian, and writer, 65-year-old Bill Murray, shocked the country today by announcing that he will be running for President in 2016. “I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while now, and you know, it just seems right,” Murray said.

“I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while now, and you know, it just seems right,” Murray said. “I don’t like most of the candidates that are currently running for President. I mean, Bernie Sanders seems like a decent guy, but the rest of em’, are pretty much complete scum in my opinion. I’m always traveling around the world, but I’m proud to call America, the good ole’ U.S. of A, my home.

I think there’s a lot of great people in this country, but there’s also a lot of confusion and hate. People don’t know what to make of these Hitler wanna-be’s like Donald Trump, and the Ted Cruz’s, who want to start World War III. And it’s sad that people go along with it, and can’t see it for what it really is. I think the American people deserve better.

I just feel if I didn’t step up and at least try and do something, I don’t know if I could sleep at night. Well, I would eventually fall asleep, I’m not an insomniac or anything. But it would keep me up, that’s for sure. Look, I’m no hero, I just want to help out, and I think I can do that by being President.” Murray continued, “So I’m making it official, right here, right now; I Bill Murray am running for President of the United States in 2016.”

When reporters asked Murray his plans on improving America, Murray said, “I think we ought to be personally responsible. I think if you can take care of yourself and then maybe take care of someone else then that’s sort of how you’re supposed to live. I think we’ve sort of gotten used to someone looking out for us, and I don’t think any other person is necessarily going to be counted on to look out for us.”

So far it is unclear what political party Murray will be joining.

In 2012, Murray met Obama purely by chance at a basketball game – Murray never endorsed him. In fact, when asked about the Obama/Romney race happening that year, Murray said there really wasn’t much difference between them.

“You know they both talk, they’re not so different really, you know if you shake them out, they’re not so different as people in what they say they believe it’s just whether or not they can get it done, and that requires finding that stuff, that real stuff, finding that presence of mind and spirit.”

When asked about his religious views, Murray told reporters, “Religion is the worst enemy of mankind. People can believe whatever they choose to believe, but it does not belong in politics. It imprisons your mind. Religion creates hate, racism, bigotry and keeps you from your true potential in life. No single war in the history of humanity has killed as many people as religion has. I imagine I probably won’t be too popular with the Christian vote in this country, but I’m fine with that,” Murray laughs.

Sarah Bradley, a spokeswoman for Sock It Forward, a group that provides the homeless and those less fortunate with brand new socks told Fox News that she fully supports Murray and his run for President.

“We need a new face in Washington. Someone who has no political ties or agenda and can’t be bought,” Bradley said. “I actually met Bill Murray a while back when we were starting our cause that gives new socks to the homeless. Bill made a donation right there on the spot, saying what we were doing was amazing; he’s such a great guy. He truly cares about people and making the world a better place.”

Paul Horner, a spokesman for the campaign, told reporters that he believes in Bill Murray for President in 2016.

“We need a man like Bill Murray now more than ever. He is a man of the people. He’s charming, charismatic, intelligent, humble, caring and most of all, he’s honest. He has no scandals. He’s told no lies. The people love him and respect him, they believe in him. He’s a living legend and is exactly what America needs right now.”

Murray’s campaign team told reporters they will begin campaigning at the Arizona State Capitol on Wednesday, The Lost Leaf at 10PM this Thursday, and then all throughout Iowa beginning next week.

Leave your vote

Stomped Tomato is a curious satirical newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news. Tomate pisoteado.

Politics

Joe Biden Replaces Trump’s Infamous Diet Coke Button With A Freestyle Machine

STOMPED TOMATO – Of the many of President Joe Biden’s points of business on his first day was to Diet Coke button with a Freestyle machine.

Now former President Donald Trump became fascinated with the little red button sitting on his desk in the oval office. Whenever Trump pressed it, and a valet swiftly brought in a Diet Coke on a silver platter.

“Freestyle machines are genius. One of the very greatest inventions of our modern times,” Suzie on Twitter.

While many applauded Biden’s decision, some, however, feel the freestyle machines are terrible and the president should get a fountain machine.

It is not clear what happened to the box with the red button. But what of the valet?

Sources told ST that the valet is undergoing training to make the machine is always fully stocked with soda.

 

Leave your vote

Continue Reading

Politics

WHO congratulates Donald Trump for having carried out a coup without leaving home

While a lot of countries and international organizations condemned Wednesday’s riots in the United States Capitol, the Wordly Health Organization congratulated President Donald Trump for acting responsibly in the midst of a historic pandemic, for staging a coup from home.

Given the warnings of health authorities not to go out, Mr Trump decided maintain social distancing and stay at home to try to overturn the 2020 presidential elections.

“We are pleasantly surprised at  responsibility that Donald Trump took need to the stay at home measures by the WHO during the events on Capitol Hill on January 7, 2021,” said the organization in a statement.

In a statement of his own, Donald Trump said that he preferred to stay at home, “where I can see them from the comfort of my home, than to do it out there with who knows who”.

Leave your vote

Continue Reading

Politics

Mexico decided they WILL pay for the wall; Canada wants one too

After the events in Washington’s Capitol Hill, Mexico has decided that they WILL pay for the Trump wall, commonly referred to as “the wall”. And Canada wants one too.

For years Mexico has refused to be pressured by U.S. President Donald Trump to “write out a check” for the border wall, stating that it is a wall they don’t want or need. But that came to an end as the events unfolded in real time on Wednesday, January 7, 2021.

Mexico’s President, Andrés Manuel López Obrador (AMLO), said that given this week’s events in the United States and the pledge by president-elect Joe Biden to halt construction of the wall, now is the time to take action before it’s too late.

Asked as to how he intends to pay for the wall, AMLO explained it would most likely be jointly by the government and “private enterprise” and that Mexico would reimburse the United States for the about 30 miles (48 km) that has been built since 2017, with a plan to have the rest built in less than 60 days.

AMLO detailed that Mexican workers from “both sides” of the border would work around the clock on the wall project.

The President also emphasized that the purpose of the wall would change from one to keep Mexicans from crossing over to the U.S., but rather to keep protect Mexico from its neighbour.

Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said on Thursday that he would be counting the friendship and cooperation with Mexico over a wide range of political, trade, social, environmental and security interests to get a wall built across the 8,891 kilometers (5,524 miles) terrestrial boundary with the United States.

Trudeau and AMLO are expected to start talks in the coming days.

Leave your vote

Continue Reading

Trending

close

Log In

Forgot password?

Forgot password?

Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password.

Your password reset link appears to be invalid or expired.

Log in

Privacy Policy

Add to Collection

No Collections

Here you'll find all collections you've created before.