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Local Cockroach Opens Soda in Costa Rica

roachefHEREDIA, COSTA RICA — If you frequent downtown Heredia, you’ve probably already heard of Soda le Cafard, the city’s hottest new restaurant. Located in the central market, the small, booming new soda offers some of the best comida tipica in the Central Valley.

What really makes le Cafard stand out from the rest however, is its owner and head chef, Daniel Valverde Araya, who just so happens to be a human-sized cockroach.

“I grew up in a kitchen,” Valverde told El Peji on his smoke break over a cup of espresso. “As long as I can remember I’ve been really, really into food, you know.’’

From a young age, Daniel says he has enjoyed the melody of sabores that is Costa Rican cuisine.

“I never had the palate of a ‘traditional’ Tico-bicho,’’ he said. “While my friends were happy eating Pinguino crumbs, I was creeping into the kitchen to sample the finer stuff: arroz con pollo, olla de carne, manteca. That’s how I started getting into the art, getting a closer look at the pros in action, you know.’’

Getting closer usually meant putting himself in harm’s way.

“Yeah, I almost got smooshed dozens of times. It drove my parents up the wall,’’ Valverde said. “They always wanted me to be more like my 600 older brothers, you know, to settle down and have a nice wife and a little place under the sidewalk where I could raise my brood.  A family roach.’’

But even family pressure couldn’t keep Daniel’s passion from flourishing. He nursed his dream of being a chef for years, often staying up all night to scurry around dark pantries. Then, thanks to an impulse buy on a trip to the capital, he got the kick in the thorax he needed, he said.

“I took la 400 bus into Chepe to see my cousin, got turned around and found myself on Avenida Central,’’ he said. “Long story short, I bought a bootleg copy of Ratatouille from a vendor. Mae, I watched that movie again and again. I thought: if some rat can make soup, wait til they try my pinto.”

Valverde isn’t fooling around in his kitchen. He and his team have worked for years honing his skills in restaurants all over the Valley before opening le Cafard.

“I mean, if you’ve ever eaten in any soda, my friends and I have probably handled your food.’’

Soda-foodies agree that this roach can boast a roast. Yórdan Torres has eaten breakfast and lunch at le Cafard every day since its opening.

“The little guy really knows his way around the cocina,’’ said Torres, squirting an entire bag of natilla on a plátano. “Who cares if he’s a cuca? Actually, these are the only meals I’ve had at the market that didn’t have roach in them.’’

When asked about his success, Valverde said he has a message for roaches everywhere: “When the kitchen light comes on, don’t scurry away. This country is a cockroach’s dream, so make sure not to let any rolled up magazines, shoes, or useless Raid cartridges stand in the way of your true destiny.’’


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Stomped Tomato is a curious satirical newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news. Tomate pisoteado.


Joe Biden Replaces Trump’s Infamous Diet Coke Button With A Freestyle Machine

STOMPED TOMATO – Of the many of President Joe Biden’s points of business on his first day was to Diet Coke button with a Freestyle machine.

Now former President Donald Trump became fascinated with the little red button sitting on his desk in the oval office. Whenever Trump pressed it, and a valet swiftly brought in a Diet Coke on a silver platter.

“Freestyle machines are genius. One of the very greatest inventions of our modern times,” Suzie on Twitter.

While many applauded Biden’s decision, some, however, feel the freestyle machines are terrible and the president should get a fountain machine.

It is not clear what happened to the box with the red button. But what of the valet?

Sources told ST that the valet is undergoing training to make the machine is always fully stocked with soda.


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Daughter finds out her uncle is her dad’s brother

STOMPED TOMATO – A growing trend in the online world are stories of family dynamics changing drastically with uncovered family relationships, such as the daughter who found that her uncle is really her father’s brother.

What will this do to the family dynamic? Reddit

Another commented that he was in a similar situation, but different, not too long along when he found that his aunt is really his mother’s sister.

“The entire family freaked out,” writes M.

Fortunately, there are a few things that could be done to preserve your family’s chemistry and dynamic.

Family dynamics can really be screwed. Take the case of a B and his wife’s family situation. B writes, “Her mom and aunt both married brothers. So my wife’s uncle (now deceased) was actually her uncle twice over. He was her uncle because her mom’s sister married him, and he was her uncle because her dad was his brother. For that matter, her aunt is also her aunt twice over.”

R writes, “I know exactly how the feeling. I just found out that my brother is my baby’s uncle, and my brother’s children are my child’s cousins. Obviously, this is a confusing time for everyone and we are navigating it as best as we can.”

A has an equally challenging situation, she writes: I just found out that my mom is actually the one who gave birth to me, and that my grandmother is actually my mom’s mom and I’m so confused and worried like what this will do I don’t know if I can see them in the same way now…”

This is very serious. This kind of experience can cause long lasting trauma.

One recommendation is to log off the internet, obviously, these people have way too much time on their hands. For those who can’t log off, you can help improve your family dynamic by going on Amazon and order lots of self-help books.

Luckily there are many treatments for this ailment being experimented with.

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WHO congratulates Donald Trump for having carried out a coup without leaving home

While a lot of countries and international organizations condemned Wednesday’s riots in the United States Capitol, the Wordly Health Organization congratulated President Donald Trump for acting responsibly in the midst of a historic pandemic, for staging a coup from home.

Given the warnings of health authorities not to go out, Mr Trump decided maintain social distancing and stay at home to try to overturn the 2020 presidential elections.

“We are pleasantly surprised at  responsibility that Donald Trump took need to the stay at home measures by the WHO during the events on Capitol Hill on January 7, 2021,” said the organization in a statement.

In a statement of his own, Donald Trump said that he preferred to stay at home, “where I can see them from the comfort of my home, than to do it out there with who knows who”.

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