VATICAN CITY — The news that an Italian nun gave birth last week and does not know how she got pregnant has prompted senior Vatican officials to speak publicly for the first time about the dramatic increase in the number of nuns becoming “with child” under Pope Francis.
“American newspapers are calling it the Pope’s baby boom,” Cardinal Angelo Sodano, Dean of the College of Cardinals, told media this morning.
“But a few hundred knocked-up nuns is hardly a boom…rough language but there it is.”
“When His Holiness Pope Francis assumed the missionary position as leader of the Catholic Church, we prayed for a time of love among men.”
“Well, not love among men as in, you know, between men…we’ve put that whole homosexual thing to bed…well, not to bed…ah Christ.”
While the Catholic Church had not reported a nunal pregnancy in over 200 years, the Vatican released annual numbers today showing more 427 nuns or Mother Superiors found themselves pregnant since Pope Francis took his oaths. More half of those pregnancies were reported from countries in the weeks immediately following a Papal visit.
Cardinal Sodano said he sees no relationship between the increase in sisterhood pregnancies and Pope Francis (78) being in town.
“Some are saying Pope Francis is leaving a spurt of pregnancies behind him wherever he travels,” said Sodano.
“It is, of course, ridiculous to suggest that the Holy Father is in anyway involved beyond loosening the very moral fibers of the Church and encouraging the wayward lifestyles of atheists and fornicators alike.”
Sodano says he has appointed New York Cardinal Timothy M. Dolan to head a committee of twelve Cardinals and Bishops to investigate further.
“Cardinal Dolan will be looking into the habits of all nuns…well, not habits as in clothing…habits as in acts of filth and lust.”