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Quebec (Canada) Opens French-Only Blood Donor Banks


VATICAN ENQUIRER – Montreal (Canada) –  Premier Pauline Marois (Premiere ministre du Quebec) announced today that the Quebec Government (Gouvernement du Quebec) has opened seven blood donor banks (des cliniques de sang) across the province that will be accepting blood only from people who pass a French language test.

“In a time of need, Quebecers should have the choice to not accept blood from persons of another language,” said Marois to media at a newly-opened Quebec Values Blood Clinic, the smell of paint still fresh in the rue de Sainte-Catherine (Saint Catherine Street) facility.

“English, Korean, Muslim blood. It is not the same as Quebecois blood,” said Marois.

Bernard Drainville, Minister responsible for Democratic Institutions and Active Citizenship, told the CBC (SRC) that the move to francophone blood collection is another step “to stand firm and protect the culture, heritage and spunk (esprit) of la belle province (the beautiful province).”

“We did try to work with Societe canadienne du sang (Canadian Blood Services) but they were mostly English people and one had a foreign accent,” said Drainville.

Societe spokesperson Bernard Smith (no relation to Drainville) said the blood service does screen all donations for a variety of transmissible diseases but there is no test for “French or any other language.”

“A platelet (plaquette) is a platelet (plaquette). It doesn’t care what language its human body speaks,” said Smith. “Frankly, this is a very idiotic (stupide), discriminatory (paranoiaque) idea (idee).”

The opening of French-only blood donation clinics comes on the heels of the introduction of the controversial Quebec Charter of Values which proposes, among other things, to limit the wearing of conspicuous religious symbols by public sector employees, and to require those giving or receiving state services to have an uncovered face and no visible tattoos in English.

Premiere ministre du Quebec (Premier) Marois said the French language test will be both oral and written, and warned that it will be difficult .

“If you learned French from a Berlitz CD, you will not be allowed to donate. I’m sure you are a very nice person and your blood is just fine for you but…”

“We want to make sure this blood is pure Quebecois.”

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Stomped Tomato is a curious satirical newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news. Tomate pisoteado.


Daughter finds out her uncle is her dad’s brother

STOMPED TOMATO – A growing trend in the online world are stories of family dynamics changing drastically with uncovered family relationships, such as the daughter who found that her uncle is really her father’s brother.

What will this do to the family dynamic? Reddit

Another commented that he was in a similar situation, but different, not too long along when he found that his aunt is really his mother’s sister.

“The entire family freaked out,” writes M.

Fortunately, there are a few things that could be done to preserve your family’s chemistry and dynamic.

Family dynamics can really be screwed. Take the case of a B and his wife’s family situation. B writes, “Her mom and aunt both married brothers. So my wife’s uncle (now deceased) was actually her uncle twice over. He was her uncle because her mom’s sister married him, and he was her uncle because her dad was his brother. For that matter, her aunt is also her aunt twice over.”

R writes, “I know exactly how the feeling. I just found out that my brother is my baby’s uncle, and my brother’s children are my child’s cousins. Obviously, this is a confusing time for everyone and we are navigating it as best as we can.”

A has an equally challenging situation, she writes: I just found out that my mom is actually the one who gave birth to me, and that my grandmother is actually my mom’s mom and I’m so confused and worried like what this will do I don’t know if I can see them in the same way now…”

This is very serious. This kind of experience can cause long lasting trauma.

One recommendation is to log off the internet, obviously, these people have way too much time on their hands. For those who can’t log off, you can help improve your family dynamic by going on Amazon and order lots of self-help books.

Luckily there are many treatments for this ailment being experimented with.

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WHO congratulates Donald Trump for having carried out a coup without leaving home

While a lot of countries and international organizations condemned Wednesday’s riots in the United States Capitol, the Wordly Health Organization congratulated President Donald Trump for acting responsibly in the midst of a historic pandemic, for staging a coup from home.

Given the warnings of health authorities not to go out, Mr Trump decided maintain social distancing and stay at home to try to overturn the 2020 presidential elections.

“We are pleasantly surprised at  responsibility that Donald Trump took need to the stay at home measures by the WHO during the events on Capitol Hill on January 7, 2021,” said the organization in a statement.

In a statement of his own, Donald Trump said that he preferred to stay at home, “where I can see them from the comfort of my home, than to do it out there with who knows who”.

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Mexico decided they WILL pay for the wall; Canada wants one too

After the events in Washington’s Capitol Hill, Mexico has decided that they WILL pay for the Trump wall, commonly referred to as “the wall”. And Canada wants one too.

For years Mexico has refused to be pressured by U.S. President Donald Trump to “write out a check” for the border wall, stating that it is a wall they don’t want or need. But that came to an end as the events unfolded in real time on Wednesday, January 7, 2021.

Mexico’s President, Andrés Manuel López Obrador (AMLO), said that given this week’s events in the United States and the pledge by president-elect Joe Biden to halt construction of the wall, now is the time to take action before it’s too late.

Asked as to how he intends to pay for the wall, AMLO explained it would most likely be jointly by the government and “private enterprise” and that Mexico would reimburse the United States for the about 30 miles (48 km) that has been built since 2017, with a plan to have the rest built in less than 60 days.

AMLO detailed that Mexican workers from “both sides” of the border would work around the clock on the wall project.

The President also emphasized that the purpose of the wall would change from one to keep Mexicans from crossing over to the U.S., but rather to keep protect Mexico from its neighbour.

Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said on Thursday that he would be counting the friendship and cooperation with Mexico over a wide range of political, trade, social, environmental and security interests to get a wall built across the 8,891 kilometers (5,524 miles) terrestrial boundary with the United States.

Trudeau and AMLO are expected to start talks in the coming days.

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