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Self Infected E. Coli The New Hollywood Diet Craze


VATICAN ENQUIRER – Spinach contaminated with E. coli has spawned a questionable health cleansing trend in Los Angeles.

A spinach supplier to many L.A. juiceries has just announced a recall of any juices containing the leafing green, after dozens were hospitalized with serious E. coli infections. However, the rapid weight loss experienced by those affected has caused an increase in demand for green juice in which spinach is an ingredient.

The beginning of 2015 saw an impressive hike in cold-pressed juice sales around the nation, as many health-minded individuals kick started their new year’s resolutions with a “juice cleanse.”

“We were worried. We expected sales to take a big hit with the E. coli breakout,” said Cheap Jewce owner Rachel Silverstein, whose company is known for their moderately priced Kosher juices. “The New Year is to juicing in Los Angeles, what Valentines Day is to chocolate in the fly-over states. This is like a bad batch of Botox during award season.”

Symptoms of the bacterial infection, which include bloody diarrhea, abdominal cramping and severe nausea and vomiting won’t exactly give juicers the healthy glow they were hoping for. Left untreated, the bacterial infection can cause kidney failure and even death.

In an unexpected turn of events, however, many juiceries didn’t see a dip in profits; in fact, spinach based flavors saw an increase in sales. Celebrity health guru, Dr. Wizard of Oz explained, “Many of my clients heard those affected by the E. coli tainted juice experienced increased weight loss. With so many of them are getting ready for red carpets, a few days in the hospital is a quick and worthwhile fix to whatever binging they did over the holidays.”

“I don’t understand what the big deal is,” said Krystal Stevens, a self-described raw foodist and regular juicer. “The symptoms of E. coli infection sound like your average detox symptoms. I don’t even believe it’s really E. coli; probably a bunch of meat eaters with a lot of toxicity in their bodies.”

The public’s reaction, or lack thereof to the E. coli breakout, has many in the wellness and weight-loss business looking to capitalize on the bacteria strain.

“The research is in its infancy, but me and my team are working on isolating a less dangerous strain of E. coli that can be added to juices and smoothies voluntarily,” Dr. Wizard of Oz announced. “Exposing the body to the strain will not only result in more pronounced weight loss, but may increase its immunity in a similar way to how the body results to antibiotics.”


When asked what they thought about Dr. Wizard of Oz’s plans, the FDA responded, “In no way should a consumer, purposely consume E. Coli. It’s dangerously deadly. Even if a celebrity endorses it, don’t do it.”

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Stomped Tomato is a curious satirical newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news. Tomate pisoteado.


Old man excited to walk around changeroom naked again

OSHAWA, ON – With gyms around the province reopening, local senior citizen Waylan Marshall is relieved to no longer have to resort to walking around the house naked.

OSHAWA, ON – With gyms around the province reopening, local senior citizen Waylan Marshall is relieved to no longer have to resort to walking around the house naked.

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influencers complain because they no longer know what to live on

Influencers have again come out to complain because they are losing the shine of their luxurious lives, due to the coronavirus covid-19 pandemic, they can no longer travel, nor take photos of their food in public places or their famous selfies.

Influencers need to be helped.

Or something like that, is what some influencers wanted to say in a very interesting report from the BBC, and since we are very good vibes, we are going to summarize it completely.

But first, let’s see what the YosStop is doing in full quarantine:

Well, now it is really interesting …

A few days ago, some influencers of the greatest size (or something like that) in the world, have been complaining and complaining in the media because they can no longer leave their homes, and when they do leave, they do not generate videos or photos or content from which they all always do the same: what if the little trip, what if the coffee in Italy, what if the photo that everyone takes in France, etc, etc, etc.


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Ayer fui #Bowie para tiktok ????

A post shared by C͟͟I͟͟N͟͟T͟͟H͟͟Y͟͟A͟͟ (@lenguasdegato) on

This type of content is profitable, that is, with each photo and video that they generate, YouTube gives them some coin as well as the brands with which they come out dressed, made up or subtly thrown together.

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Study Claims Women Abandon Feminism After Finding Meaningful Relationships With Men

Women who remain die-hard feminists well into adulthood are oftentimes the least desirable specimens, science now claims.

“The only relationships they have are often ones with other females who subscribe to the same strict ideologies, and serve as echo chambers for extremist thought. The stereotype of overweight, unattractive, bitter, resentful hags with a chip on their shoulder isn’t really too far from the truth,” said Sheila Baker, director of the Garrison Institute located in Langford, Mississippi.

“Women who quickly abandon feminism are just happier in the long run,” Harman told National Report. “Once they engage in a healthy relationship with a member of the opposite sex, 78% of women realize that they had been brainwashed via college campuses and social media. They’re ashamed of having associated with a mob of mentally-ill whiners and seek to distance themselves  from that lifestyle as much as possible.”

After graduating high school, Sheila Baker was accepted into at a well-known liberal college located in the Pacific Northwest, attended primarily by the offspring of affluent families. Even then, feminism was the social justice ’cause du jour’ amongst bleeding-heart upper class young adults with no worldly perspective or experience. “It’s true. I identified as a feminist in college,” Baker blushingly confessed. “It’s really rather embarrassing to admit now. I marched in the marches. I blogged with the best of them. I was full of entitlement and resentment towards what I thought at the time was the source of all the world’s ills: The Patriarchy. In particular, white males. The only real exposure I had to the less fortunate was through my textbooks. Instructors basically fanned the flames by telling us that all sources of oppression and strife within’ the world were due to privileged Caucasians.

You get a bunch of impressionable white kids together who are in a rebellious frame of mind and tell them that the families they grew up with are basically responsible for everything that is wrong with the world and I can guarantee the outcome is not going to be a healthy one.”

And the horror stories don’t stop there says Sheila, who claims she has heard thousands of stories which ring similarly to her own. And far too many of those tales result in permanent damage to the woman, her personal life, and familial relationships.

Barker went on to elaborate upon one particular instance in which a woman became so wrapped up in feminism that she was disowned by her family, eventually leading to her untimely demise at the hands of an intentional overdose.

“We’ll call this woman K.C. out of respect,” Sheila began. “We were close friends in college, and even by my own admittedly very liberal standards, she was quite extreme. Always talking about how men should be castrated and put in labor camps. She updated her social media with misandrist hate speech, and even went onto violently attack her younger brother when he accidentally misgendered one of her friends.

During this time K.C. intentionally gained 200 pounds in what she called her fight against beauty stereotypes. What was once a beautiful, attractive young girl had permanently mutilated herself with facial tattoos, piercings, and morbid obesity.”

Sheila Baker will be releasing her findings in an upcoming interview with OUT Magazine, as well as a 30 state tour to sign the accompanying book which goes into even more detail as to why young women fall into the treacherous trap of liberalism, and how to reclaim their lives from commie parasites, and other damaging ideologies which prey on a misguided desire to make the world a better place, all while paving the hell.

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