Connect with us

People

Study: Circling Newspaper Listing In Red Marker Best Method Of Finding Job Still Excitedly

newspaper-job-ad

VATICAN ENQUIRER – Following a decade-long study of economic trends and employment rates, a report issued Friday by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics determined that excitedly circling a newspaper listing with a red marker remains the single most effective way to find a job.

“Our research confirms that laying out the morning paper on the kitchen table, slowly panning down a column in the classifieds section, and then enthusiastically drawing a bold red circle around a posting in the center of the page is still the best way to secure employment,” said the report’s lead author, Rebecca Carney, adding that unemployed individuals were further able to increase their likelihood of obtaining work by tapping the listing with their finger while quietly saying

“That’s the one.”

“We also found that using the same pen to double-underline the job’s salary range raises one’s chances of being hired by an additional 50 percent.”

Carney went on to add that individuals were able to effectively guarantee a job offer by calling the business immediately on their landline phone, grabbing their hat and jacket off a coat rack, and quickly heading straight down to the company’s offices with the newspaper tucked under their arm

Leave your vote

Stomped Tomato is a curious satirical newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news. Tomate pisoteado.

People

Daughter finds out her uncle is her dad’s brother

STOMPED TOMATO – A growing trend in the online world are stories of family dynamics changing drastically with uncovered family relationships, such as the daughter who found that her uncle is really her father’s brother.

What will this do to the family dynamic? Reddit

Another commented that he was in a similar situation, but different, not too long along when he found that his aunt is really his mother’s sister.

“The entire family freaked out,” writes M.

Fortunately, there are a few things that could be done to preserve your family’s chemistry and dynamic.

Family dynamics can really be screwed. Take the case of a B and his wife’s family situation. B writes, “Her mom and aunt both married brothers. So my wife’s uncle (now deceased) was actually her uncle twice over. He was her uncle because her mom’s sister married him, and he was her uncle because her dad was his brother. For that matter, her aunt is also her aunt twice over.”

R writes, “I know exactly how the feeling. I just found out that my brother is my baby’s uncle, and my brother’s children are my child’s cousins. Obviously, this is a confusing time for everyone and we are navigating it as best as we can.”

A has an equally challenging situation, she writes: I just found out that my mom is actually the one who gave birth to me, and that my grandmother is actually my mom’s mom and I’m so confused and worried like what this will do I don’t know if I can see them in the same way now…”

This is very serious. This kind of experience can cause long lasting trauma.

One recommendation is to log off the internet, obviously, these people have way too much time on their hands. For those who can’t log off, you can help improve your family dynamic by going on Amazon and order lots of self-help books.

Luckily there are many treatments for this ailment being experimented with.

Leave your vote

Continue Reading

People

Trump Says He Doesn’t Need Bolton’s Book Read To Him

Donald J. Trump has “no intention whatsoever” of having John Bolton’s book read aloud to him, Trump confirmed on Monday.

Speaking to reporters at the White House, Trump said that his daughter, Ivanka Trump, had obtained a draft manuscript of the Bolton book and had offered to read it aloud to him “like she does with all of the other books,” Trump said, according to The New Yorker.

“She reads the books to me slowly and stops when there’s a long word to tell me what it means,” Trump said. “But I told her that the Bolton book was the last book in the world that I wanted to hear.”

Leave your vote

Continue Reading

Latin America

El Chapo Didn’t Want Witnesses At His Trial

The convicted drug lord known as El Chapo said on Thursday that he was “outraged” his 2019 trial had included witnesses. He also revealed that he was demanding a new trial without them.

Speaking from ADX Florence, a maximum-security facility in Colorado, the former drug kingpin complained that his trial would have resulted in a speedy acquittal had it not been for the irritating presence of witnesses, reports The New Yorker.

Leave your vote

Continue Reading

Trending

close

Log In

Forgot password?

Forgot password?

Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password.

Your password reset link appears to be invalid or expired.

Log in

Privacy Policy

Add to Collection

No Collections

Here you'll find all collections you've created before.