VATICAN ENQUIRER – new study released today shows that global climate change may melt American pop icon Cher within five years.
According to the analysis, published in the prestigious journal Nature, higher temperatures near Cher’s home in Southern California will likely melt materials used in her numerous plastic surgeries, turning her into what scientists describe as a “puddle”.
“If she goes outdoors for even five minutes, it could be the end,” says Boris Samuelson, the lead researcher on the study. “We’ve run the numbers. Those polymers were not built to withstand the kind of temperatures that are coming.
“And the fact that she works in Vegas makes it even worse. In summertime she may not be able to survive the walk between her limo and the hotel.”
Scientists have recently discovered that places like Saudi Arabia and Dubai may be uninhabitable by 2100 due to increased temperatures from human generated climate change.
But today’s study is the first to link increased temperatures to cosmetic surgery, which has become an increasingly popular option for wealthy women in developed nations.
“An entire generation of celebrities and trophy wives are now in danger,” explains Samuelson. “Particularly those living in places like LA and Miami Beach.”
“Undergoing major surgery to make your body conform to an impossibly perfect standard of beauty may seem like a good idea. But there are real risks.”