Connect with us

Politics

Trump Replaces Washington Monument With Giant Can Of Goya Beans

(Babylon Bee) WASHINGTON, D.C.—Liberals have been complaining about the Washington Monument, which is named after the notorious racist George Washington. Well, Trump is now appeasing them, having taken down the century-old obelisk, replacing it with a 350-foot-tall can of Goya pinto beans.

The authentic Goya can is 350 feet tall and 200 feet wide and contains 82,252,607 gallons of beans.

“This is the largest can of Goya beans, maybe ever,” said President Trump at the dedication ceremony. “Way bigger than some of the other countries’ statues and monuments. This thing makes the Eiffel Tower look laughable. I mean that literally. You look at the Eiffel Tower and you just laugh. It’s not even finished. You can still see the frame.

And does it have beans? Well, maybe at that snooty French restaurant. But probably not. Probably not. They just have dumb French food like cheese with funny names and bread. Admittedly the bread smells pretty good, but it doesn’t live up to that when you eat it. Always smells better than it tastes. Everyone says so.”

Liberals tried to criticize the move but were unable to do so since they would be siding with George Washington. Plus, the optics of tearing down a monument to a Latino businessman would just be bad. “We’ve been played again,” said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. “This guy really is a genius.”

Leave your vote

Stomped Tomato is a curious satirical newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news. Tomate pisoteado.

Politics

Joe Biden Replaces Trump’s Infamous Diet Coke Button With A Freestyle Machine

STOMPED TOMATO – Of the many of President Joe Biden’s points of business on his first day was to Diet Coke button with a Freestyle machine.

Now former President Donald Trump became fascinated with the little red button sitting on his desk in the oval office. Whenever Trump pressed it, and a valet swiftly brought in a Diet Coke on a silver platter.

“Freestyle machines are genius. One of the very greatest inventions of our modern times,” Suzie on Twitter.

While many applauded Biden’s decision, some, however, feel the freestyle machines are terrible and the president should get a fountain machine.

It is not clear what happened to the box with the red button. But what of the valet?

Sources told ST that the valet is undergoing training to make the machine is always fully stocked with soda.

 

Leave your vote

Continue Reading

Politics

WHO congratulates Donald Trump for having carried out a coup without leaving home

While a lot of countries and international organizations condemned Wednesday’s riots in the United States Capitol, the Wordly Health Organization congratulated President Donald Trump for acting responsibly in the midst of a historic pandemic, for staging a coup from home.

Given the warnings of health authorities not to go out, Mr Trump decided maintain social distancing and stay at home to try to overturn the 2020 presidential elections.

“We are pleasantly surprised at  responsibility that Donald Trump took need to the stay at home measures by the WHO during the events on Capitol Hill on January 7, 2021,” said the organization in a statement.

In a statement of his own, Donald Trump said that he preferred to stay at home, “where I can see them from the comfort of my home, than to do it out there with who knows who”.

Leave your vote

Continue Reading

Politics

Mexico decided they WILL pay for the wall; Canada wants one too

After the events in Washington’s Capitol Hill, Mexico has decided that they WILL pay for the Trump wall, commonly referred to as “the wall”. And Canada wants one too.

For years Mexico has refused to be pressured by U.S. President Donald Trump to “write out a check” for the border wall, stating that it is a wall they don’t want or need. But that came to an end as the events unfolded in real time on Wednesday, January 7, 2021.

Mexico’s President, Andrés Manuel López Obrador (AMLO), said that given this week’s events in the United States and the pledge by president-elect Joe Biden to halt construction of the wall, now is the time to take action before it’s too late.

Asked as to how he intends to pay for the wall, AMLO explained it would most likely be jointly by the government and “private enterprise” and that Mexico would reimburse the United States for the about 30 miles (48 km) that has been built since 2017, with a plan to have the rest built in less than 60 days.

AMLO detailed that Mexican workers from “both sides” of the border would work around the clock on the wall project.

The President also emphasized that the purpose of the wall would change from one to keep Mexicans from crossing over to the U.S., but rather to keep protect Mexico from its neighbour.

Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said on Thursday that he would be counting the friendship and cooperation with Mexico over a wide range of political, trade, social, environmental and security interests to get a wall built across the 8,891 kilometers (5,524 miles) terrestrial boundary with the United States.

Trudeau and AMLO are expected to start talks in the coming days.

Leave your vote

Continue Reading

Trending

close

Log In

Forgot password?

Forgot password?

Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password.

Your password reset link appears to be invalid or expired.

Log in

Privacy Policy

Add to Collection

No Collections

Here you'll find all collections you've created before.