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Trump to Give Putin Office Space at White House

(The Borowitz Report) – In a sign that Donald J. Trump’s control over the Republican Party is now complete, congressional Republicans on Thursday defended his decision to give the Russian President Vladimir Putin office space at the White House.

Photograph by Alexei Nikolsky / AFP / Getty

A newly emboldened Trump told reporters that he had furnished Putin with a corner-office suite and secretarial staff to use whenever the Russian President is in town. “He says he plans to be here more and more,” Trump said.

Putin, who moved file boxes into his new office on Thursday afternoon, said he looks forward to many productive hours at the White House with few, if any, interruptions.

“At the Kremlin, people are always sticking their heads in my office, asking me questions,” he said. “President Trump just spends all day watching TV.”

At the U.S. Senate, a visibly angry Senator Lindsey Graham called allegations that there was anything improper about Trump giving office space to Putin “totally unfair, disgusting, and vile.”

“Vladimir Putin has worked harder to run the U.S. government than all of the Democrats in Congress put together,” Graham said.

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Politics

WHO congratulates Donald Trump for having carried out a coup without leaving home

While a lot of countries and international organizations condemned Wednesday’s riots in the United States Capitol, the Wordly Health Organization congratulated President Donald Trump for acting responsibly in the midst of a historic pandemic, for staging a coup from home.

Given the warnings of health authorities not to go out, Mr Trump decided maintain social distancing and stay at home to try to overturn the 2020 presidential elections.

“We are pleasantly surprised at  responsibility that Donald Trump took need to the stay at home measures by the WHO during the events on Capitol Hill on January 7, 2021,” said the organization in a statement.

In a statement of his own, Donald Trump said that he preferred to stay at home, “where I can see them from the comfort of my home, than to do it out there with who knows who”.

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Mexico decided they WILL pay for the wall; Canada wants one too

After the events in Washington’s Capitol Hill, Mexico has decided that they WILL pay for the Trump wall, commonly referred to as “the wall”. And Canada wants one too.

For years Mexico has refused to be pressured by U.S. President Donald Trump to “write out a check” for the border wall, stating that it is a wall they don’t want or need. But that came to an end as the events unfolded in real time on Wednesday, January 7, 2021.

Mexico’s President, Andrés Manuel López Obrador (AMLO), said that given this week’s events in the United States and the pledge by president-elect Joe Biden to halt construction of the wall, now is the time to take action before it’s too late.

Asked as to how he intends to pay for the wall, AMLO explained it would most likely be jointly by the government and “private enterprise” and that Mexico would reimburse the United States for the about 30 miles (48 km) that has been built since 2017, with a plan to have the rest built in less than 60 days.

AMLO detailed that Mexican workers from “both sides” of the border would work around the clock on the wall project.

The President also emphasized that the purpose of the wall would change from one to keep Mexicans from crossing over to the U.S., but rather to keep protect Mexico from its neighbour.

Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said on Thursday that he would be counting the friendship and cooperation with Mexico over a wide range of political, trade, social, environmental and security interests to get a wall built across the 8,891 kilometers (5,524 miles) terrestrial boundary with the United States.

Trudeau and AMLO are expected to start talks in the coming days.

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Biden supporter admits to being behind massive voter fraud

The investigation into the 2020 US Elections voter fraud took at turn on Monday when a Biden supporter admitted to being behind the whole thing.

Although his name was not released publicly, for his personal security, authorities explained how the fraud was committed in various states across the United States of America.

“Trump has a good case for not accepting his loss because there actually was massive election fraud. I know this because: It was me!,” read the statement to the press.

The fruadster explained that he went to Ballots-R-Us website and ordered thousands of mail-in ballots that are indistinguishable from the officially registered ballots. “I clicked the checkbox option that adds authentic verified signatures of people who had recently died (it costs extra but well worth the labor),” he said.

“After printing all those ballots and filling the ‘Biden’ box on each one, I snuck into the election center in Pennsylvania with my bag load of Biden ballots, and added them to the pile of ballots marked “not counted yet.

“Just like Trump warned, I did this at four o’clock in the morning because it’s really dark then and the security guards were sleepy. Nobody was the wiser,” continued the explanation.

Fraudster says he had help from pals in Nevada, Arizona, and Georgia, but luckily it wasn’t needed, the North Carolina pal didn’t print enought ballots.

Fraudster added that he now feels much better “now that I’ve come clean”.

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